Rowing Your Own Canoe — The power of recovery for loved ones

Recovery for spouses of pornography addicts - row your own canoe

Here’s part two to our post for loved ones of addicts (sometimes called ‘codependents’). These posts were inspired by Jane’s recent posts at her blog. Again, we’ll point you to her blog for her thoughts, but here’s a highlight of what she shared about the benefits that came to her life when she focused on her own recovery and not on trying to change/shame/pressure/nag/check up on her husband.

When I was finally able to realize that I did not cause Pete’s addiction, I can NOT control his behavior, and I that I can live in peace and happiness in spite of my circumstances, I felt free again. I found me again.  I became a better mother again.  I became a better wife than ever before.

Rhyll Croshaw, another wife in recovery, talks about a painting by Linda Curley Christensen (“Gently up the Stream”) that has become a visual reminder of the journey of recovery.

We have in our home a very important visual reminder, a painting entitled, ”Gently Up the Stream” by Linda Curley Christenson. I see myself as the woman in the left canoe. I am gently rowing my canoe, doing my own work to heal. My husband is gently rowing his canoe working his recovery daily. Thankfully we are still in the same river, headed in the same direction and close to each other but I know that I have choices. I can stay or I can go and there are many women who out of no fault of their own have had to leave their marriages. But the biggest choice that I make every day is how I feel. If I live in the past I live with resentment, bitterness and victim. If I live in the future, I live with fear which paralyzes me. I choose to live in the present and feel gratitude for the present blessings and gifts that are mine. I live where my feet are…one day at a time.

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Photo credit: at Motorrad-67 at Wikimedia Commons