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Hope and Healing – Pornography Addiction Education and Recovery » Forum for Wives (or Ex-wives) of Porn Addicts

Forum for Wives (or Ex-wives) of Porn Addicts

There is a private forum for women who are personally affected by the pornography/sex addiction of a spouse, boyfriend, or loved one. The forum, like this blog, represents the seeds of a cooperative effort of non-profit leaders, professional therapists, individual women in recovery wanting to help, and website managers who have seen a need for support for wives of porn addicts.

Come talk with other women who are walking this path, and see what has helped them find hope and healing. The forum has an LDS flavor to it, but any women looking for faith-based support are welcome.

http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/forum/index.php

Before joining the forum, please read the following:

INFO SPECIFIC TO THIS LDS WOMEN’S FORUM: PLEASE READ BEFORE REGISTERING. The agreement contains updated information about steps you need to take to have (or keep) your account activated. We want to keep this a safe space for all participants, so thank you in advance for your cooperation.

TO CREATE AN ACCOUNT:

You’ll need to create your username and password. We recommend creating or using an anonymous email address for the forum. In order to do create an account, you’ll need to indicate via the software that you have read and agree to the terms and conditions. BUT IN ORDER TO HAVE YOUR ACCOUNT APPROVED (and to help us not accidentally delete your request in all the spam we receive), please send an email using whatever email address you used to register to hopeandhealinglds a’ gmail, with responses to the following questions:

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ABOUT THE FORUM

This forum is a private, moderated, unofficial forum for LDS women (or women who are comfortable in an LDS environment) who have been personally affected by the pornography / sex addiction of a husband, boyfriend, or other close loved one. (For simplicity’s sake, most content is directed to wives but is applicable to other loved one as well.) The forum is part of an unofficial cooperative effort of non-profit leaders, professional therapists, individual women in recovery wanting to help, and website managers who have seen a need for support for LDS wives of porn addicts. Information from the network of people can be found in links on the forum and on the public website.

(Note: If you are a professional therapist or non-profit leader in this realm of addiction recovery and would like to collaborate with the administrator of this forum, email her at hopeandhealinglds a’ gmail.com. You may not register for the forum unless you are also personally affected by a loved one with a sexual addiction, but can submit guest posts for the public blog at hopeandhealing.com.)

The goal of this forum is to provide a safe, positive, faith-based place for women to talk about the process of healing and recovery, and to provide resources and information about pornography/sex addiction and principles of recovery. Please note that there are various resources and personal opinions shared here, and not all principles or resources shared may be right for you right now. We don’t necessarily endorse every facet of every perspective, but hope as you read through various resources, you’ll be able to see patterns of truth and principles of healing that will help you in your journey.

Please also know that this forum is not designed to replace “live” support groups and/or professional therapy, but we hope it can help as an additional resource for those needing help, support, and encouragement. We want you to know that you are not alone, and hope and healing are possible!

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

SIGNING UP FOR THIS FORUM MEANS YOU HAVE READ AND AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING RULES, CONDITIONS, AND TERMS. (yes, we know this is long, but please read it all)

Rules for engagement in the forum:

– Anonymous participation is allowed, but please create a screen name that makes you identifiable. Also, please note that we have a lot of spam coming in. Try to make your username something that would have some meaning…not just letters or numbers that might appear random to our administrators or participants.

– Respect for the privacy of others is ESSENTIAL. There is to be absolutely NO sharing of personal content from this board in email, blogs, or conversations, outside of this board, without written permission from individual comment/post authors. NO EXCEPTIONS. *This includes not discussing personal stories of women here with husbands, family members, or friends. Please do not let anyone else read the forum, and please ensure that your account is set to log out automatically after a certain period of time.*

– You CAN discuss *principles* or *resources* that you find helpful. Just keep names and personal elements and stories safe in the forum.

– The board cannot be used for personal commercial purposes. (Sharing information from others who have commercial pursuits is allowed, as long as information is relevant and is shared not primarily for promotional purposes.)

– Keep content constructive. This *is* a place to ask for help with how to heal from the pain associated with this trial, how to respond in healthy ways to addictive behavior, what others have done when well-meaning leaders have not known how to help, etc. But this *isn’t* a place to come “bash” your husband/loved one, your church leaders, or others.

– Be careful about giving advice. Try to keep comments in a personal voice (“this is what worked for me”), rather than telling others what they “should” do. (Links to helpful information from professionals is ok.)

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– Although you don’t have to be LDS to participate, you understand that principles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will be actively discussed here, and you agree to respect this forum’s religious focus. No trolling will be allowed.

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FOLLOWING ARE SOME OF THE MORE GENERAL REGISTRATION TERMS TO WHICH YOU WILL ALSO BE EXPECTED TO ADHERE. (Legalese is necessary for our own protection. You are almost done!)

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28 Responses to "Forum for Wives (or Ex-wives) of Porn Addicts"

  1. Hello. If you don’t know who I am, I am the director of several programs designed to train men, young and old, how to win their own personal war with pornography and other sexual addictions. These include Sons of Helaman, Sons of Mosiah, and Men of Moroni. I also run a therapeutic group for women affected by relationships with men with these challenges called the W-O-R-T-H group. You may also want to know about the book we recently published called, “Like Dragons Did They Fight.” I would be happy to answer any questions you have about any of these services. Your Servant, Maurice

    1. admin says:

      Maurice,

      Apologies that your comment got held up in moderation. Yes, we are very aware of your work. We’ve actually had a link to your blog up for a while on our blog list page. :)

      Thanks for all you do.

      We’d love to see more blog posts for wives of addicts from your W-O-R-T-H work. Since many of our readers live in places where access to “real life” resources like support groups is limited, we’re trying to use the power of social media to get more resources to women affected by this. We are trying to encourage professionals like you to use the social media more to help in this regard. Please let us know if and when you do post any such content!

      Warm regards,
      Admin team

    2. Tabitha says:

      Hello Maurice,

      Do you know where my husband and I can get help for his porn addiction? If a marriage has suffered from this is there hope and healing that can happen, can my marriage be saved?

      1. Hi, Tabitha. I’m not sure if Maurice will get a message posted to this thread. In case you don’t know, his website is: http://mwharkertherapist.blogspot.com

        Melody Bergman
        H&H Admin Team

  2. Hi, I am referring some clients to this wives forum, but they are having a hard time getting on the forum. Can someone help? I would also like to be sure that the info I am sharing with others is correct so that they are not so frustrated when they try to join the group. Here’s the info: http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/marriage/porn-sex-addiction-recovery-resources

    Thanks for your help.

    Laura M. Brotherson, MS, MFT

  3. admin says:

    Laura,

    I sent you an email. If people are having a hard time getting onto the message board/forum, have them email me at hopeandhealinglds a/ gmail.

    The online Google+ group is something separate from the forum, actually, so it’s best to try to contact marlee about that. I’m not sure about when and if they are still meeting.

    We’re likely going to start some more formal 12-step support-group dynamics within the private forum as well, in collaboration with another group of people focused on addiction recovery education and support. I’ll keep you posted on that.

    Thanks for your post of resources. We’ll re-post it here.

  4. CHERYL says:

    Hello
    I feel great sadness to know that my partner of 5 years is still involved in on-line pornography. Lately, I had believed him when he said he wasn’t doing that anymore. Just yesterday, I started to make plans to marry him when I got this feeling to check the history on his computer. My heart sank when I discovered the pornoraphic pictures and movies. I even feel bad for him as this must be an illness, I told myself. It’s such a terrible feeling too when someone you love is doing things behind your back. We are both Christians. I have to be strong and God is for me because it is time that I move on.

  5. Jeanie says:

    I really need help. My husband & I have been working on a recovery program for his sex/porn addiction. He has been very open & honest with me. Some things he has told me hurt terribly, but I weathered through & cont. with the treatment program. We have been married 30 yrs. Before our marriage, we both had first marriages that lasted only 4 yrs, because both our ex spouses were cheaters. My ex husband was bad, but his ex wife was worse. She cheated on my husband with his best friend who was also the best man in their wedding. She then divorced my husband & married his best friend. At least my ex husband cheated & hooked up with a stranger. When my husband & I found each other it was like a dream come true. We could relate to everything & decided we wanted so much better for our marriage.He promised me the ultimate in committed & faithful love & I trusted & believed in him. We had both of our prior marriages annulled, so we could marry with the beauty of Christian love & no prior baggage. We planted our former spouses symbolically in the ground, never to be seen by us again. It felt wonderful. To shorten my story, we had many beautiful yrs,& a fantastic sex life until we got digital cable, computer & internet. I guess they brought curiosity on my husband’s part & soon he was on the porn addiction road. This also led to staring at pretty women when we were out in public, to masturbating to anything that could arouse him. So now it was full blown sex/porn addiction. This went on about 5 yrs until finally he himself had had enough & turned to me first about his problem & the extent of it. We hooked up with the recovery program. So back to what I said earlier, I was dealing with the awful things he told me about the porn, making other women objects of his sexual pleasure, etc etc. But then he told me something that floored me. He told me that just a yr ago he began fantasizing about his ex wife. He said he would fantasize about when they were first married & their early sexual experiences, before the bad stuff started between them. Then he would masturbate & climax with the thought of his ex wife as his lover. I am worse than hurt. I am shocked, appalled, sick, whatever bad feelings there are. I don’t know how to process this. For me, he resurrected his ex wife from the ground, to bring her back to him, so he could be with her, make love to her & enjoy the good times they had before she hurt him. I feel as though he got rid of his annulment to her in order to be with her again. And obviously he destroyed every promise, vow & commitment he had with me. For me he brought his ex wife back, & placed her in our marriage, between him & I, so his marriage vows to me & his annulment to her mean nothing now. It appears to me that he still has unresolved issues with her from his 4 yr marriage to her. And it feels like he spent 30 yrs with me, waiting for her to return. When she didn’t return on her own, he found a way to bring her back. When I tell him this he says no it was just a random thought & I don’t know why I picked her. I don’t see it that way. What does everyone else think? Is fantasy about your ex wife a part of sex/porn addiction? Or is it deeper about unresolved issues?

    1. Lei says:

      Hi Jeanie! I’m so sorry to hear that you have to go through that by his being transparent and honest, ironically. There are a lot of possibilities on who or what to fantasize about when it comes to porn addiction. My husband is a recovering PA (under the GreatnessAhead program) and he watched porn ranging from biracial women to Asian schoolgirls before. It was actually devastating as I am white, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I’ve started tanning to at least convince myself that he’s attracted to those races but during my counseling, it’s not. From time to time they may relate an urge to a past experience or subconsciously. Is he still undergoing therapy? You should discuss it with his therapist to see if there’s actually an intervention in eliminating that. He must have deep-seated hurt, especially with the cheating done by his ex-wife and best friend. We’ll never know. But I know that your full support in his recovery will greatly help him.

      1. Jeanie says:

        Hi Lei, Thank you for responding. I don’t know if you noticed that I wrote my prior post one year ago, but if you did I will update you on the here and now. First, I want to respond to something you mentioned in your post because it hit home. A long time ago, I started noticing my husband staring at African American, biracial and Asian (always very young women or teens). Well eventually, when he came clean about everything, he told me that they were definitely a porn obsession for awhile. I too was destroyed by this revelation because I too am white. I thought I wasn’t good enough also. But then he told me he went through different phases in an effort to change it up and make it more exciting. During recovery & because they were just unknown strangers, I kind of got it and was able to let it go. I was able to let of anything that involved unknown women. But, the ex-wife fantasy I have not been able to let go of. In fact, one year later I am worse than I ever was. I’m so bad that it is affecting my health. Just a few months ago, I became so ill with an infection that I went into septic shock and nearly died. I went into respiratory failure, near cardiac failure & was on life support for 4 days. Even after that, I am no better. When I woke up from the coma, the first thing to come to my mind was him and his ex-wife. No amount of help has helped me and I am losing it for real. My husband is still doing well & he walks on eggshells around me, because of my fragile state of being. I also think things like this: He and I were in high school together. I don’t mean to sound conceited but, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day back then. I was a tiny, petite & cute girl, & all the guys in school called me “Sweet stuff” and “Cute package”. I was popular. He was a nerd. Back then, the hottest guys in school were mine. When we grew up & my very hot first husband became a cheater, I went after the nerd (my present husband) & made him feel like he was the Bomb. I told him he was the hottest guy in the world. Maybe he believed me a little too much. I certainly thought he would be committed & faithful to me in body & in mind. But that was not the case & here I am now….not in a good place for sure. I even started talking to old male friends from school on facebook to try to get a sense of how they see me now. Surprisingly, they were VERY happy to hear from me & started calling me the sweet names they always called me. Several of them who were widowed or divorced, wanted to know if I was married. Of course I said yes, to their disappointment. You can’t imagine how I loved showing their comments to my husband. He looked sad, and I laughed & said, “See? Do you really think I have to put up with your nonsense? Well, do you?” He answered, “NO”, and I could see the sadness (and frustration with me), in his eyes. I know you will probably think I am crazy now. And I’m sure my husband wishes he was a little less transparent with me (which is not a good thing). But maybe, just maybe, someone out there can learn where your marriage can end up if you don’t treasure your spouse in the way they should be treasured. And especially, if your spouse treasures you in every way possible. That is the kind of love I gave my husband & what I expected in return. Now I don’t know how this will end, but I know many marriages like ours, end in divorce court. Thanks Lei for your kind words. Keep me abreast on how you are doing. I appreciate hearing from you.

  6. Jackie says:

    Haven’t had time to read all posts but here’s mine. Found husband on AM site and getting emails from these women with photos of sexual body parts. We had entrusted passwords of each others email accounts so this was how I knew. I went in and changed his AM pass. and posted to a few of the women “made a mistake I’m a Christian, married man sorry”. It didn’t take him long to figure out what I had done. So what! He was furious. How dare I break into his account and change things. I violated his trust in me. However I would have done nothing like that had he not been “sneeking” around with sexting (he had never been much into texting) so when I saw him on his phone mostly all the time I knew something was up. Then I went upstairs to tell him dinner was ready the door to his “man cave” was shut, another new action. He was talking on the phone with one of these women and she was accusing me of sending her a threatening email which never happened. Not even my email address. [edited] Told her he was going downstairs for dinner and he will make me put my hand on the Bible and swear that I didn’t do it. I was so obliging then he went back and told he he’s never known his wife to put her hand on the Bible and lie.
    She read the email to him in my presence (wasn’t on speaker phone) just before hanging up I said for her to hear “I don’t know who you are it what your name is but stay away from him”. Could not even believe that this kind of fiasco was happening to me and coming from a “Christian” Man. He has not stopped sexting or emailing but has drastically cut back and said “Sorry for what I’ve been putting you through lately but hang in there I’m getting it together slowly.”

  7. Jackie says:

    One more important question that no one can ever answer. How do I tactfully tell my husband he has this addiction without seeming accusatory or starting WW 3.

  8. Elaine says:

    I want to join this group. I really need the support of other LDS women facing the same trial I am facing. I have been married for 30 years and have been aware for several years that my husband is battling a pornography addiction. A year ago he confessed that five years into the marriage he had a sexual encounter (not intercourse) with a stranger while he was traveling. At my insistence he began participating in the church’s Addiction Recovery Program last January and has had more abstinence than at any time since his mission. However after a recent relapse he was fired from his job (where he had worked for 23 years) for viewing porn on his work laptop. The images included underage girls –which is a crime, so the police have confiscated his computer and phone and are investigating him. We are in crisis in every way. I am getting lots of support from our Bishop, my own sponsor in a 12-step program, a professional counselor and a woman who runs a wives group for Christian women who are wives of sex addicts. I have written and will be sharing with my husband (in the presence of a third party) my personal boundaries and “bottom lines”, which may include separation until I see some real changes. I’m not sure I can share a home with him while I work through my anger and hurt. There is a meeting for wives through the Church’s program in my area, but I was the only one there when I attended and the leaders said there are very few who have attended in the past. I may be participating in a Christian’s women’s support group in the spring, but I feel the missing piece for me is receiving support from my sisters in the gospel. I have three children at home -ages 14, 17 and 20.

  9. Carol says:

    I’m in a similar position as you in many ways. I’ve been married 28 years. My husband did things with girls he shouldn’t as a teenager, at one point thinking his girlfriend was pregnant. He had a bishop who recognized he needed to get on a mission, so he had him report to him every Friday before going on a date and my husband managed to stay “good” long enough to get on a mission, which is where we met. But he had a masturbation problem as well which I became aware of about four years into our marriage. He learned he needed to stop, but he didn’t. He also had an “encounter” with a young lady a few years later (not intercourse either), and did repent of it, but still had this masturbation thing going on and I think very few realize the darkness this brings to a person. I learned about a year and a half ago he’d been doing pornography for about three years. This brought darkness to our whole family, and my boys both got into porn as well because of the darkness in our home. It’s a long story, but the bottom line is my husband needs counseling and doesn’t recognize how crucial this is so won’t go, and there is no progression for us as a couple or family as long as he won’t get help. And not a whole lot of counselors out there really even understand the damage viewing porn does to someone’s spirit, or the darkness it brings to that person’s home and family. Since my discovery of my husband’s problem I’ve realized (through much prayer, fasting, going to the temple, pondering, agonizing and doubt) that I need to remove myself from him, and our divorce will be finalized within a couple weeks. If he would get help I’d stay. I don’t think many women understand where they should draw the line when their spouse gets into these things, they don’t know where or how to set up boundaries, they don’t understand that they need to ask God for help, and that ultimately, only He can tell them how to handle their situation in the best possible way, though counseling with a professional is very important. They aren’t aware of support groups available, especially LDS women, or where to find resources of help. The meeting for wives through the Church’s program isn’t offered everywhere, as it depends on the local leadership and what they’ve set up. I work for a certified mental health counselor who specializes in sexual addiction issues, he is LDS and his therapy is based on LDS principles, the part of having the Spirit in our lives fits in, and is very gospel based. He offers a support group for wives as one of the programs of our organization, as well as individual counseling to both the husbands and wives. One of the programs he offers is specifically for men with porn addiction problems called Men of Moroni, another program is for young men called Sons of Helaman, the support group for wives is WORTH, there is a class for addiction prevention, and other resources. The principles taught were directly inspired and really work, teaching how satan works and keeps people in behaviors outside their value systems, and specific tools to get out and stay out. I am always looking for additional resources to help LDS people win their wars as people call our office all the time with all kinds of things they’re dealing with. Our website is http://www.lifechangingservices.org if someone wants more information.

    You mentioned your children; mine are 27 (married to a porn addict as well), 25, 18 and 15. We’re definitely in a war that will continue until we die, but if we learn the strategies of the enemy and know how to fight, we will win. But we do have to fight. There is a scripture that is hanging on the wall of our office from Mosiah 20:11, “But they fought for their lives, and for their wives, and for their children; therefore they exerted themselves and like dragons did they fight.”

    1. Elaine says:

      Carol: i just now read your post from February. Yes, there are many similarities in our stories. I am so sorry to hear how the darkness has impacted your children. Since that post, I asked my husband for a 3-month separation, and mid-way through that 3-month separation he “opted out” of the marriage. So we worked through a mediator and are divorcing. (Because of insurance issues we won’t be filing until the end of August). Our kids were surprised when we announced the separation, but not surprised when we announced the divorce. He has been seeking treatment through another Christian men’s organization which is excellent (because he has more accountability). We don’t live in Utah and don’t have access to the resources there, but we are grateful for this Christian program. I completed the 10-week course for wives and it was fantastic. i learned a lot about co-dependency and about the pornography addiction in general. He is making some nice progress with his own recovery, which is good for him and may help him to reclaim his relationship with himself the Lord and the kids, but sadly not enough to save the marriage. Even though it was his idea to divorce, I believe it’s the right idea. My stake president told me he thinks I have done all I could. Interestingly, 6 weeks after he asked for a divorce I was asked to serve in the Stake Relief Society Presidency?? When we announced the divorce to the kids he gave a full disclosure about his 40-year problem with addiction and masturbation. They had absolutely no idea (which didn’t surprise me because he hid it well. During our 30-year marriage I only found physical evidence twice), but he knows and I know that this addiction is really an intimacy disorder and maybe the kids feel less crazy that their relationship with him is not good.. He is still active in the church and the divorce is pretty amicable. I am dealing with my feelings, but my big stumbling block at the moment is that while I think I can forgive what went on between me and my husband, I am having a harder time forgiving the damage to the children. My oldest son (almost 21) stopped going to church at 18 and now my daughter is following suit. She will turn 18 next month just before her senior year and she has announced she is done attending church. While intellectually I realize that there are many factors at play and my children have their agency I know that my husband’s bad example and the fact that because of his choices the spirit could not be in our home. When I am really aching for my children I feel this anger rising up in me. Even though he was active in the church, held callings and went through the motions of being the priesthood holder , I always felt like I was fighting against some unseen force in my home –which, I of course was, but I felt a little crazy because I couldn’t identify it. Even though I did know that he wrestled with this problem, I had no idea the frequency or intensity. It was all consuming. That force, that darkness has taken it’s toll and I have resentments about how that his affected my children.

      1. natasha says:

        I agree about the “darkness in the home”. Thank you. I have felt like a failure as a home maker, not bringing cheer into the home, but it wasn’t me, I now see.

  10. Carol says:

    The post from Elaine popped up on my computer this morning and I responded before reading any of the other posts. I didn’t see there was one from the director of the organization I work for dated back in November of 2012, Maurice Harker. I’m glad he’s aware of this forum!

    1. Maurice is awesome!

  11. Hello everyone, I would like to share our humble Facebook group with you all; it’s called Spouses of Porn Addicts Support Group. We are a small and humble community but I think that it’s important that all of us who struggle have a friendly and open place to discuss our strategies for overcoming this monster that tears us from our partners together. So please, help out by joining our group and sharing with us your experiences, that page has helped me personally and my husband has not watched porn for over 4 months. Thank you all.

    1. Nothing can compare to a group of women gathering to mourn together and support each other. I love to hear groups like this are forming. Thanks for letting us know about it. Glad to hear things are going well with you and your husband. :)

      1. natasha says:

        Hi,
        I went on youtube. There is a man with first name Geoff. I think if you search on Geoff and pornography his 13 lectures on sex addiction pop up. They were very comforting to me yesterday. He may be LDS, I am not sure. He said that the men’s impact is “desensitizing to the pain they are causing their wife (I think he is referring to the physical sexual act)and if they did realize it, no idea at all what to do about it. I was so grateful to hear someone address what all this porn did to the actual physical part of the wife’s experience, since my husband was removed and seemed oppositional to any feedback I gave him during the couple physical act.

  12. natasha says:

    This from a man on youtube:
    Pornography diminishes us as human beings.
    Pornography trains men to become desensitized to women’s pain. Implications as it relates to intimate relationships it creates a significant problem
    Part of what makes marriage sacred is to be emotionallh attuned to one another. And if one is trained to desensitized to pain of intimate partner guess what the outcome would be .
    He would not hear her distress, would not see it, would not know how to respond, and not only would not care about it but might even punish her for it.

    My comment: this applied completely to the physical aspect of my marriage. It was horrible. Anyone else have this experience? It was like my husband was oppositional to anything I said. For example I said, “that hurts” and he said “get used to it”.

    1. Oh honey … not cool. Ugh. Thank you soooo much for sharing this resource. It is something women ask about allll the time!

      Melody Bergman
      H&H Admin Team

  13. natasha says:

    geoff steurer pornograhy is the youtube lecture series. there are about 13 parts to it.

    1. Thank you for sharing this!

      Melody Bergman
      H&H Admin Team

  14. Samantha says:

    My husband and I were married two years when I found out he had been watching porn almost every day. He rarely masturbated?! Our marriage was so perfect, I thought that something had to be wrong. It felt too good to be true. We had amazing sex. I’m not conceited but I am beautiful & I have a great body.. I take good care of myself. We were crazy in love & so infatuated with each other. Always all over each other. We both love the Lord & served in the church. I found out on accident looking into something else. I was absolutely devastated. He lied to me so often. Even after it came out. He doesn’t have any internet access now but I have absolutely no trust for him. I want a divorce but I feel like the Lord wants me to stay. I can’t find forgiveness. Saying I’m absolutely crushed inside is an understatement. I don’t know how I will ever move on from this hurt.

  15. Tabitha says:

    Hello, My name is Tabitha and I found you through “The togetherness Project”. I am looking for help, understanding, hope, and friendship in dealing with a husbands porn addiction. I am so angry and hurt and feel there is no saving our marriage, that it is doomed from what it has done to it. Look forward to hearing from someone.

  16. Lei says:

    Hi everyone. It was in 2012 when I first discovered my husband’s online escapades. I was able to see the history of his laptop which he brings to
    work/out of state conventions. At first, I was in denial, even thought that it’s normal for guys to be drawn to watching porn vids online. But when I confronted my husband, he admitted that he’s addicted to it since college. Perhaps that’s why it’s taking too long for him to “come” (though I didn’t see anything wrong with that). After several fights, I decided to leave him. I took our 2-year old daughter and stayed with my parents for and about a week. Then he came over, we had a heart-to-heart talk and told me that he has decided to seek help to end his addiction. I was happy, scared and hopeful all at the same time. But I gambled it. I felt like if I fail, so be it. That’s life. But if we win then I’ll consider that as the most fulfilling journey of our family life. And so I decided to be together with him. It wasn’t a bed of roses, but I have faith in God and determination that he will eventually be better. Presently, my husband is a recovering porn addict and though our marriage, especially the intimacy between us has improved, we still have a long way to go. He still has his slips occasionally but I am very glad that he’s trying- and I’m here to support him all the way. I’ll never let addiction destroy our marriage and family. Lesson learned, the decision to seek help should ultimately come from the addict himself, coz no matter how effective a program is and how supportive the wife/family could be, all is futile without him realizing that it should end.

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